Gary's REAL Pokemon Adventure!
by nutellafueled
Summary: Yes, that's right, folks, the Gary in the TV series is a FAKE, and so is everyone else! Want to see Gary's REAL Pokemon adventure? Tune in here! Discontinued.


**Telly**: You know how Gary in the TV show is all arrogant and stuff, and has millions of Alakazam for no apparent reason? Well, that was just a too-ugly, too-old actor playing him (the actor's 27). You should also be happy to note that Professor Oak, this time, has absolutely no relation with Gary AT ALL. Wanna know the REAL Gary's Pokemon Adventure? Tune in here.

**Vaness**: But be warned of infrequent updates!

**Telly**: You just had to put that in didn't you Vaness -.-

**Vaness**: You're not exactly the best writer in ffn, you know.

BTW, this is (for this chapter, anyway) situated in Hoenn, because this is the REAL Gary's Pokemon Adventure!

Disclaimer: Pokemon and Inuyasha aren't mine. Unless you're talking about the Pokemon Ruby/Fire Red cartridges I have somewhere, of course.

Be noted: There is minor Ash-bashing in the way he's portrayed, because I am Sick of him being the hero All The Time. It's like "We must stop Team Rocket!" blah blah blah, "Pikachu, (insert extremely weak attack that makes you wonder why he actually won, eg. Tackle)!" and "No problem, (insert victim), we were all too happy to help." No wonder Gary's ahead of him! Wait. Sorry. This is a rant.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Gary woke up in Littleroot Town. It was his 10th birthday today, and he felt ready for a Pokemon! Someone had just moved in from Rustboro City to the house next to his, and boy, was their kid whiny! What was his name? Gary tried to remember. Ish or Osh or something like that. Can't people have normal names nowadays? Gary frowned.

Oh well. That bratty kid wasn't worth stretching his brain cells over. He might as well go to Professor Birch's lab to get his Pokemon. He went down the stairs only to see his sister, who said, "I saw the kid from next door. Maybe you should go meet him, Gary." Gary shrugged and replied, "Whatever." Translation: Um, how about no. After wolfing down breakfast with particular vigor and saying goodbye to his sister, he left very quickly. Exiting his house, he knocked into a fat person, who didn't appear to see him, but said nonetheless, "If you use a PC, you can stores items and Pokemon. The power of Science is staggering!"

"Um... that's very nice," Gary said, shaking his head. He swung in the lab and swung back out again. Professor Birch was, predictably, doing fieldwork. So Gary left Littleroot Town to find the Prof. When suddenly, a Small Wimp stopped him.

"If you go in the tall grass at the sides of this road, Wild Pokemon will appear. It's not safe to go out there if you don't have any Pokemon with you," he warned super-intelligently.

"Yeah, whatever," Gary said. "The guy who's gonna give me a Pokemon is out there, doing fieldwork." He pushed by the kid roughly, but somehow the kid appeared in front of him again and said the same thing. After a few more scene repeats, Gary went home, sighing with frustration.

"Maybe you should go meet Ash from next door, Gary," was his sister's advice.

"If you use a PC, you can store items and Pokemon. The power of Science is staggering!" was the strange fat guy outside Ash's house's advice.

Gary reluctantly decided to follow his sister's advice. He knocked on the door of Ash's house and a kindly looking woman answered. "Oh, Gary!" she said happily. "We've been expecting you! Come in! Ash is upstairs, tidying his room." So Gary went upstairs to Ash's room and noted the fact that Ash's mum had no place to sleep, unless you count the sofa. Also, there was no kitchen in Ash's quaint house for some reason.

Moving on. "Hi, Gary!" Ash exclaimed brightly, shaking Gary's hand. "I'm Ash!" he said, pointing to a nametag on his chest. "See? It says so here!"

"Erm, OK," Gary answered. "Well, I'll be going now. I have to get my Pokemon," he added significantly, when Ash didn't let go of his hand. "Oh! Pokemon!" Ash said excitedly. "I haven't got one yet. Let's go together!" Gary sighed. "All right..."

They went out to Route 1 to find Professor Birch, and to Gary's chagrin, the Small Wimp was still there. But he was now peering anxiously at the road, not daring to get in. "Someone's being attacked by a wild Pokemon," he gabbled incoherently. Gary walked onwards. The sooner he got his Pokemon, the sooner Ash would unlatch from his arm. So he kept walking forwards until a scream stopped him.

"Help! Help! Somebody HELP me!" Professor Birch screamed as a Poochyena chased him. Gary walked forwards and randomly picked a Pokeball. He threw it and a Torchic appeared. "Chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiku! (n.n)" it said happily, batting its feminine lashes, walking around Gary and staring at him with adoring eyes. Gary was at a loss for words. 'That teaches you a lesson: Read the label first,' he thought. 'Why a TORCHIC! Why a freakin' GIRL TORCHIC!'

"What are you doing, boy?" Professor Birch demanded. "Tell it to attack!" Gary snapped out of his mild state of shock and ordered, "Torchic, Scratch it!" Torchic, still cheeping happily, went and raked the Poochyena with her Super Sharp Claws. The Poochyena stopped, stunned. Then it turned tail and fled.

"Gee, thanks boys!" Professor Birch smiled, relieved and completely oblivious to the fact that Ash did nothing but gape. "I'd give you something, but it's too dangerous out here. Let's go back to my Lab."

So off they went on their merry little way.

They entered the Lab and Professor Birch reached for an insanely high shelf and plucked some things out of it. "Here's your Pokedex and 5 Pokeballs Gary. I'd also like you to keep the Pokemon you used to save me. Wait," Professor Birch said as Gary reached for those items, "I need to run a few tests first." He swiped the Pokedex through the slot of an electronic map of Hoenn. Immediately, it glowed.

"Congratulations!" Professor Birch said to the bemused Gary. "You are the next Pokemon Master!"

Ash whined. "No fair!" he said. "I wanna be one too-ooo!"

Gary sweatdropped, then turned to Professor Birch. "How'd you know I'm the Master?" he asked questioningly, cocking his head to a side just like Shippo does when he pouts. Okay, so Shippo doesn't do that when he pouts. All right, Gary didn't even cock his head. Anyway, the question was asked. Professor Birch replied, "The map reacted to your positive aura!" Gary shook his head. This was getting weirder and weirder. "Okay, next question. Why'd you invent something like this in the first place?" he said, gesturing at the machine.

"Well..." Professor Birch thought for a moment. "I'd get lost, so I made a map. Then it was just a matter of modernizing it and adding some other features. Wanna see?" Professor Birch pressed a button on the map and a quacking sound appeared from outta nowhere. Gary was now seriously scared. "Okay, thanks for the 'Dex and the balls, Prof. I'll be going now," he said, backing away from Birch-boy.

"See you," Professor Birch called, then turned to Ash.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

Gary walked along the peculiarly short road that led to Route 1. He spotted his sister waiting outside his house, so he, wondering what was the matter, went to her.

"Gary," she said, "I've just received the Running Shoes I ordered a few weeks ago for you. Here you go, put them on. It comes with instructions, too."

"Running shoes need instruction?" Gary asked while putting on a running shoe, incredulous. His sister shrugged. "I'm just repeating what the Game Organizer told me to." Gary groaned. "Why is everybody aware of what to do, except me?" He sighed and put on his backpack. "I'll be going now, sis. Bye! I'll drop by sometime." And he set off to Route 1 determinedly as his sister looked proudly on.

'Gary is just like Dad is so many ways,' she thought.

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

"Why is the grass in Hoenn so darn high!" Gary screamed to no one in particular. His Torchic, out of its Pokeball, looked questioningly up at him. "No, it's not your fault, Mina," Gary said patiently. 'It never looked that high when I saved Professor Birch from that rabid Poochyena,' he thought furiously. He could barely see in front of him, resulting in many crashes with trees he didn't know existed. 'I suppose I'll get used to it,' Gary thought, sighing. 'You don't see Professor Birch walk in with many bruises caused by trees. Maybe I should get a periscope or something.'

"OW!" Gary cried aloud as he crashed into another randomly sprouting tree. "Not again..." Suddenly the area seemed to swirl around him and he came face to face with a strange ferrety thing. Gary held his Pokedex up and it said, "Zigzagoon. This Pokemon is very inquisitive and will investigate everything it sees thoroughly." The Zigzagoon reared up, and Gary thought it was being manly until he saw the "3" and the male sign on its stomach. The 3 must be the level of the Pokemon. 'I've read books about it, but it never said it would be this weird in real life,' Gary thought, sweatdropping. Anyway, since his Mina was level 5, she shouldn't have any problem weakening it.

"Woo, Scratch, Mina!" he ordered, grinning, and watched as the Zigzagoon became progressively weaker. "Go, Pokeball!" Gary said. The Pokeball cracked open and Zigzagoon poofed into thin air. The ball shook three times, then DUNN DUNN DUNN! DUNN DUNN DUNN DUNN DUNN DUNN DUNN! Gary hummed as he pocketed his Pokeball.

'Well, at least I have a guy Pokemon now,' he thought. And miraculously, after that Pokemon encounter, he saw Oldale Town somehow materialize in front of him.

So Gary decided to leave the godforsaken grass and enter Oldale Town. After healing up, he made to go to Route 2, but was stopped by some strange nerdish person who was going about some rare Pokemon's tracks. So Gary sighed and went up to Route 3 to train, and possibly catch more Pokemon. It was up there that he saw Ash! Ash noticed him, and waved happily. "Heya, Gary!" he called. "I've got a Pokemon now! Do you want to know how to fight like a Pokemon Trainer? Well, face off against me! Go, Mudkip!" he cried shrilly, pointing egotistically at himself. Gary shrugged and sent his Torchic out. 'Oh well,' he thought, mentally shrugging. 'At least Mina will get trained, and I'll get some entertainment.'

"Mina, Scratch!"

Ash's Mudkip got a little tireder, but was still in fighting condition.

"Mudkip, TACKLE!" Ash screamed excitedly, lost in the completely nonexistent heat of the battle. Gary sighed and shouted, "Mina, don't let him bring you down! Use your Scratch as hard as you can!", feigning enthusiasm for the sake of Ash, but inwardly thinking that the battle was pointless. Then, before his very eyes, Mina had a brainwave and decided to peck the half-brained amphibian of a Mudkip (no offense to Mudkip lovers! I love Mudkips! Really I do!) to faintation. Gary (and Ash) watched, stupefounded, as Mina hammered Mudkip to the ground, levels before it was even supposed to learn Peck.

The euphoria of winning settled on Gary and he punched the air. "BOOYAH!" he crowed. "MONEY TIME!" Ash grudgingly gave Gary the deserved money and stomped away.

"Wait," Gary called and Ash turned around. "Professor Birch is expecting us," Gary said, without knowing why the hell he said that. Ash blinked hyperly and the sad expression on his face flitted away instantly. "Really?" he said, positively beaming. "COOL!" He grabbed Gary's hand and began running through the long grass, a determined expression on his face, pointedly ignoring the trees he pulled Gary into.

A few minutes (and many injuries) later, they reached Professor Birch's lab.

"Boys," Professor Birch said. "I have called you back for a very precise reason. What will happen after this talk is not an example of chaos theory, as you might (and inevitably will) end up thinking. You see, chaos theory is a theory that scientists have thought up ages and ages ago. What happens is that when a butterfly beats its wings in China, an earthquake happens somewhere in – "

"Yes, whatever, Birch-boy," Gary said impatiently. "Get to the point! Don't beat around the bush!"

"Aha!" Professor Birch said. "Speaking of bushes, let me show you something." With that, Professor Birch produced a bush, and twirling one of his aides, proceeded to sing and dance "Round and Round the Mulberry Bush".

"Do you like it?" Professor Birch asked enthusiastically. "I spent many a moon perfecting this!"

Gary sighed inwardly. "Moving on...?"

"Ah, yes, moving on! What has happened is that a friend of mine, Professor Oak, contacted me! He wants some exchange students, see... well, not strictly _exchange_, as no one will be coming here," I can see why, Gary thought. Who would want to face a clinically insane person and call him their mentor? "Anyway," Professor Birch resumed, "Professor Oak wants some budding Pokemon trainers to go over to Kanto, and I've chosen you! Aren't you excited?" Gary wasn't, but the overly hyper Ash next to him was positively bursting with excitement. In fact, he glowed with excitement, attracting the attention of many aides.

"You don't have a choice anyway," Professor Birch continued. He pressed a button. "Aloha, boys! Bring me back some hair gel when you get back here!" The world around Gary seemed to explode, and the world turned black...

**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

All spelling errors in this fic are intentional.

Please R&R!


End file.
